The Journal
by luv2write
Summary: This is what happened during Frank's Desire while Frank and Eva were apart...Columbia to the rescue! Please r/r
1. Eva Breaks Down

            _O.K., I'm back with more Frank and Eva…hope that aren't any boos and hisses going on.  Anyhoo, this is what happened while Frank was back at the castle getting all drugged up "and stuff."  Columbia is a hero.  This summary sucks, so please R/R.  P.S. – Ummm, if you haven't read Frank's Desire, this may not make too much sense. _

            Eva lay in bed, tears streaming down her face.  She hadn't left her room in days…and, quite frankly, she didn't have any desire to.  She had fully recovered from whatever drug the strange "nurse" injected her with, and her unborn child was unharmed as well.  She was persuaded to move from her apartment "just in case" and moved into one on the other side of Denton.  She couldn't get Frank off of her mind…she was carrying his child, but some people had the gull to tell her to forget about him.  She would _never_ forget.

            Sleep.  When Eva was awake, all she wanted to be was asleep.  While unconscious, she was with Frank.  It never failed; as soon as she began to drift off, there he was.  At first there were nightmares about the day that everything happened…images of the red headed nurse doing horrible things to Frank while Eva lay helplessly on the floor and what may be happening to him now.  Eventually, Eva forced those scenes from her mind and instead dreamt of the simplest things such as making Frank dinner when he came home from work…and the erotic situations that she and Frank always seemed to wind up in afterward.

            She never had an appetite, but knew that she had to eat for the sake of the baby.  Eva's mother, Audrey, always made sure that her daughter was taking care of herself.

            "Eva, how are you feeling today, honey?" Audrey asked.

            "Mom, do you think he'll ever see the baby?" Eva replied softly.

            Audrey was a little dumbfounded; Eva had hardly said a word out loud about Frank being gone, she had been keeping it all inside.  She sat on her daughter's bed and stroked her hair.  Trying not to shed tears, she answered, "I wish I knew, baby.  I also wish I could say that everything will be fine, but I don't know, for sure, that I'd be right."

            "You loved him too, didn't you?"

            "Oh, of course I did.  I know how happy he made you…he was wonderful to you."

            "Do you think he'd be a good father?"

            "If he showed your child a fraction of the love he showed you, he'd be a wonderful father."

            Eva started to cry and she rested her head on her mother's shoulder.  "I miss him so much, mom.  I want him back more than anything in the world…I have the most awful feeling that something terrible has happened to him…I know he wouldn't just leave…"  She began to sob openly…she'd done that a lot in the privacy of her home, but never in front of anyone…she just didn't have the ability to be strong by herself anymore.


	2. Changing Frank

            The first few days of Frank's return to the castle were only horrible for _him_.  He'd sunk so deeply into depression about Eva that he refused to leave his room.  He was beyond anger with Magenta, but so grief stricken that he could do nothing about it.  He spent his days wailing in his bed, screaming Eva's name…the "visitors" to the castle were convinced that he'd gone mad.  His nights were spent having dreams almost identical to Eva's…nightmares at first, then sensual, erotic episodes of their nights...days…and mornings together. 

            Every night when Frank was in a deep sleep, either Riff Raff or Magenta would sneak into his room and inject him with doses of morphine; each dose higher than the one before.  After a week or so, Frank's head became so clouded that he struggled to remember what had happened.  Soon, the lies about Eva committing suicide were being fed to him…he believed them.  After all, why would his two "faithful servants" lie?

            While Frank was pursuing his life with Eva, a young girl came to the castle seeking the infamous Frank she had heard so much about through the grapevine of Dentonites.  Her name was Columbia and she had more energy coursing through her body than should be humanly possible.  Magenta liked her and thought that it would be nice to have a female in the castle that she could confide in, among other things.  She convinced Riff Raff to let her stay.

            Upon Frank's return to the castle, Columbia became frustrated.  "Why won't he leave his room?" Columbia asked Magenta.  "I've been dyin' to meet him and he just stays up there rantin' and ravin' all day!"

            "The master isn't vell right now, but my brother and I are taking care of it…he vill be himself soon."

            "What's the matter with him?"

            "He actually tried to have a relationship with someone…she rejected him…she carried his child, then killed herself."

            Columbia's face filled with rage.  "How could someone do that do him?  No wonder he's goin' nuts."

            Once Frank was addicted to the morphine, he began injecting it himself.  His left arm now sported bright blue veins and several needle marks.  He had lost any of the cares that he had formerly possessed and now only worried about his research and quenching his sexual appetite.  

            Columbia had finally made her way into Frank's presence, and while she wasn't exactly his most ideal idea of a lover, her energy was enough for him to take her to his chambers.  Their relations were a nightly ritual for Columbia; she was convinced that Frank _must_ love her to take her to bed with him every night.  For Frank, it was nothing more than sex.  He was emotionally detached from everyone but himself and the capability to feel something for another was a quality that he no longer retained.

            One evening after Frank had "finished" with Columbia, he rolled over and, without a word to her, attempted to sleep.  He was not allowed to succumb to his dreams right away though.

            "Did I do somethin' wrong, Frankie?" Columbia asked in her cartoonish voice.

            "No," he said sounding annoyed, "you were adequate.  Please return to your room now."

            "Ya mean I can't stay tonight?"

            "I asked you to leave, Columbia."

            "Ya know, Frank, ya used to treat me a lot better than this."

            "Go!" Frank yelled.

            Frank had been getting more and more irritable as time went by.  His attitude was also changing rapidly.  He was becoming more arrogant and much crueler than he had ever been before.  Riff Raff and Magenta had gotten him much too dependent on morphine; they had created a monster.


	3. A Little Night Reading

After a few nights of Frank's cruelness towards her, she knew that things were not going to change.  There was a delivery boy, Eddie, in the castle that Frank had spent a few afternoons with…coincidentally, these afternoons were the ones that led to Columbia's cruel nights.  Thinking that Frank had chosen Eddie as a more favored lover, Columbia decided that she would try to spite Frank by sleeping with Eddie as well.  Her plan may have worked if Frank wouldn't have become obsessed with creating his newest plaything.

Columbia found that she was actually very happy with Eddie, and he with her, but she still wished she knew what was wrong with Frank.  How could somebody who was such a mess a few months ago be so impossible now?  She took it upon herself to, well, to snoop around his room.  She didn't know what she was looking for, but she thought that there had to be something.

            What she found was a book…a journal to be exact…Eva's journal.  It was strewn under the bed.  She figured that Frank certainly wouldn't miss something he most likely didn't remember was there, so she slipped it under her pajamas and went to her room.  Like a child, she got beneath her blanket with a flashlight and began to read.

            The first few pages were of no interest to her, there were some ramblings about a wedding.  Her eyes were only drawn to the girlish handwriting when she came upon a lengthy entry.

_Never in my life have I behaved as I did last night…In any other situation, time, or place, I would feel dirty, ashamed, and quite possibly loathe myself.  My sister has always been sexually promiscuous and I have always been both repulsed and envious of her for it, though tonight her promiscuity was the cause of my behavior.  _

_While at Stuart's party, a night I had been looking forward to for some time, I found her in a bedroom…having sex with John.  All I can remember is hearing some sort of commotion downstairs while I ran through the hall.  I ended up in a dark, unoccupied bedroom with a bottle of wine as the only thing to console me.  I've no idea how long I was sitting there.  I know I finished whatever was in the bottle and while I knew it had an affect on me, I wasn't drunk, I couldn't forget what I saw.  I sobbed so much that by body actually ached; I remember physical pain coursing through my entire being and it wouldn't stop._

_When I could finally cease myself from being nothing short of hysterical, there was a knock at the bedroom door.  A male voice said something about needing to find a bathroom.  I told him he could come in, but I begged for the lights to remain off.  He wasn't in there very long at all before he was back in the room, asking whether or not I was all right.  The last thing that I wanted was for someone to be in there with me…after all, my entire life had just fallen apart; I was betrayed by the man I was to marry as well as my own flesh and blood…For some reason, I told him what had happened, in a rather standoffish tone.  _

_He made some small talk with me and I learned his first name, Frank; his voice was one of the most soothing sounds I had ever heard.  Before I had realized what was happening, he had slid one of the straps of my gown off my shoulder.  Well, right then and there I should have stopped him, or yelled for help or…but I didn't.  I let this stranger seduce me.  I experienced feelings and emotions that I never knew I was capable of.  It sounds ridiculous, but I was convinced that he knew me, that he had been some past lover because of how well he knew my body; where to touch me, how to hold me.  Of course that's totally impossible – I would **never** be able to forget that voice…or his touch._

_He made even the simple act of removing my clothing so sensual; letting his lips roam my skin.  His touch was…it made me quiver; I never quivered with John.  When he kissed my lips, I thought that I was going to start to float…there's no doubt in my mind that he was a very experienced lover but everything felt so sacred with him.  When we finally began to be intimate my mind was whirling.  He was so…energetic?  No, that's not it…he was like a wild animal, literally.  There was panting and grunting and it wasn't just from him!  I've never behaved in such a way…and I enjoyed it!  _

_I wanted him to do things to me that had never crossed my mind in the bedroom before…he was just amazing!  But in the middle of it all, he stopped.  His body was on top of mine, he was still inside me, but he stopped.  I asked if something was wrong and he laughed softly.  He never answered me.  He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me deeper than I had ever been kissed before; his tongue caressing mine…the panting stopped.  The grunting stopped.  The mind-bending sex stopped.  I thought that he finished, but I didn't feel him release._

_As if he were reading my thoughts he whispered into my ear, "No, not yet."  His hips then started to move slowly, gracefully in fact.  Maybe I **am** losing my mind but I could swear that what I thought was casual sex was turning into lovemaking…though it's been so long since John treated me with any tenderness in bed that I wasn't sure.  I could feel the length of him sliding inside me touching places that had never been touched.  He held me so close to him and we couldn't stop kissing each other…I lost myself in him.  I'm not sure how many times I climaxed, but the more I did, the more pleased he seemed and the more pleasurable everything became.  I still don't know what came over me but I almost told him I loved him!  I guess that proves how manipulative intense sensuality can be._

_I had these flashes in my mind while I was with this man.  I think I was remembering a dream or something, but there weren't any images in my mind, only feelings and…am I really losing my mind?  Did seeing John and Sarah together make me lose everything rational?_

_We fell asleep for a while after we were through.  I woke up after an hour or so, wrapped in Frank's embrace, and couldn't believe what I let myself do.  I started to panic.  I got dressed and opened the door.  The light from the hallway filtered in and I saw him.  He certainly wasn't joking about his costume; he was in full makeup, well, smudged makeup by then…God, he was beautiful._

            Columbia felt stabs of jealousy in her stomach and she threw the journal onto the floor.  Tears burned her eyes as she remembered Frank's recent cruelty to her.  How could Frank have possibly have been so tender with this woman and so cold with her?


	4. Faye's Birth

Two and a half months had passed since Frank's disappearance.  Eva tried to write a few things, but could never get very far.  Frank had been so supportive of her that she found herself missing him even more when she tried to write.  

            Audrey noticed her daughter becoming more and more emotionally distressed and worried about the baby's health.  She voiced her concerns, but Eva insisted that she was O.K.  Audrey's fears were almost validated when Eva began to have severe abdominal pains, but a visit to the doctor found nothing wrong.

            Eva gave birth to a baby girl on August 27.  She shed tears throughout the entire length of her labor, not due to the pain, but because she couldn't accept that Frank wasn't at her side.  Audrey fought back her own tears and did her best to stay strong for her daughter.  

            When the baby finally departed from Eva, she calmed down.  She immediately knew that she had a new life to care for and that she would now have to be the one to be strong.  When the baby girl was cleaned up and brought to Eva, she smiled for the first time since Frank disappeared.

            "Oh, mom," she said looking at her baby.  "Look at her…she's perfect."

            "She's beautiful, sweetheart.  What are you going to name her?"

            Without hesistation, Eva answered, "Faye."  Almost as if the baby understood that she had just been named, she opened her eyes.  Eva gasped when she saw them.  

            "What's wrong, sweetie?" Audrey asked.  She then looked at the baby; her eyes were exactly like Frank's.  Audrey smoothed Eva's hair.  "Are you all right?"

            Eva nodded.  "He'll see her, mom.  He'll see her."


	5. Why Her?

A few days later, Columbia picked up the journal once again.  She took a deep breath and turned to the entry that came directly after the one that she had read entirely.

_Frank found me last night.  He took the initiative to go out looking for his one-night-stand.  He told me that he felt he needed to "know me."   Of course I thought this was just more talk for another…not that the thought of another night with him was terrible, that thought is quite the contrary.   Well, he persuaded me to listen to him…O.K., he sang.  Ridiculous, I know, but God, no wonder musicals have happy endings more times than not.  He seduced me in front of everyone at the club and I could see envious stares from my friends as I left with him._

_He told me I was gorgeous…and he meant it.  Silly that a compliment like that, from someone I hardly know, could mean so much; I again blame John for that, it wouldn't have killed him to express something he liked about my appearance once in a while.  Feeling a bit guilty, I told Frank that I saw him the night before…and that now, without the makeup, he was beautiful.  For some reason, that must've triggered something inside of him.  He picked me up and carried me off to a night of pure ecstasy.  _

_He didn't care about his own sexual wants…he seemed intent on worshiping my body; sending me to the edge of everything sensual, erotic…dare I say, romantic?  Are sexual experiences always supposed to be so incredible?  Was I doing something wrong with John that he had to go to my sister for gratification?  Frank seems to be very pleased with me…the funny thing is that when I returned his attentions, I felt like I was being guided on what to do.  With John everything was so " by the book."  Foreplay (if I was lucky), missionary position (yawn), John falling asleep a half hour later (again, if I was lucky).  I'd never done the things to him that I did to Frank last night.  I let my tongue literally dance across his skin, I let my hands massage his body as I…I made love to him.  I **love** him.  I love a man whose last name is a mystery to me. _

_We engaged in the paradise of each other's bodies again before he left this morning…He promised to come back tonight.  If he does, I feel that I have to tell him I love him.  These aren't the rantings of a woman on the rebound…these are the confessions of someone who has fallen in love with a stranger._

Columbia skipped ahead a bit to a shorter entry:

Frank is the most wonderful thing to come into my life. He's everything that a woman could want and need. More importantly, he loves me. It's funny, but I'm beginning to believe that he actually has NEVER been in love before. Everything seems so new to him. It's exciting, but in a way, I feel awful for him. Never knowing love until now...it's a depressing thought. 

We're soon going to have proof of our love. I went to the doctor today...I'm pregnant. I should be scared, I should be terrified, but I'm not. I couldn't be happier and I just know that Frank will be happy as well. I just hope that I can actually tell him without scaring him away...

Columbia was starting to feel beyond jealous.  Frank's baby?  How could this woman actually carry his child?  She never fully believed that there was ever a baby at all until reading this.  Shortly after reading the passage, Frank burst into her room and put a quick stop to all of her thoughts.

"What are you doing in here?" he growled.

"N-nuthin', Frank," she lied as she hid the book under the covers.

"Then go help with dinner.  I don't know why I let you stay here, you never _do_ anything."

Fighting back tears, Columbia went downstairs to help Magenta with dinner.  She debated whether or not to tell her about the journal, but she wasn't sure she could keep it to herself any longer.

"Why was he so nuts over her?" Columbia blurted out.

"Vhat are you talking about?" Magenta answered.

"Why was he all, Frank I mean…why did he show her so much affection and stuff?"

"Have you been into the master's morphine?"  Magenta was convinced that Columbia was on some sort of "trip."

"No."

"Have you been into his things?"

"A little."

"You'd better hope that he never finds out.  He hates when people go through his things."

"I'm sure he forgot about this though."

"About what?" Magenta asked, now interested.

Columbia decided that she said enough.  What if Magenta told Frank what she took?  "Never mind."

"Columbia, you vorry me sometimes."


	6. Back to Herself?

Eva fell in love with Faye the moment she held her in her arms.  From that moment, she felt life return to her body and something other than thoughts of Frank consumed her.  She was beginning to feel the way she did before her life changed.  She would sing her daughter to sleep at night and play with her throughout the day...only at night, when Faye was sound asleep, would Eva's mind once again be totally overrun by thoughts of Frank.

Audrey was relieved to see the change in her daughter.  She was at Eva's apartment quite often, helping her as much as she could.  She was even happier when her daughter began to write again.  They were short children's stories, but short stories were better than none at all.  Faye had filled Eva with the confidence that Frank had given her.

Eva decided to take these stories to her publisher.  When she arrived at the office (much thinner than her previous visit several months before hand, while Frank was still with her) she was warmly greeted by Jared Worthington.  

"Eva, you look fantastic," Jared said, smiling at her.

"Thank you, Jared.  Um, I've been writing again…it's been a lot easier since Faye came along."

"That's wonderful, let's have a look."  Eva handed him her manuscripts and he skimmed through them.  "Well, I'll have to look at them more closely, of course, but from what I see here, it's looks like you're back in business."

"You really think so?" 

"I do."  Jared paused a moment.  "Why don't we celebrate that, Eva?"  She gave him a questioning look.  He took her hand.  "I'd love to take you to dinner tonight."

"I…um…I'm flattered, Jared, really…but I don't think that's the best idea."

Still holding her hand, Jared looked down; she was still wearing her wedding band.  "Do you think he'll come back, Eva?"

Eva jerked away.  "I just had his baby a month ago, Jared…I don't want to think that I'll never see him again."

Jared knew to let the topic go, he didn't want to upset her.  "I'm sorry, Eva.  When you…if, if you change your mind, let me know."

Eva nodded.  "I want to get back to Faye now.  I'll stop by in a few days."


	7. Frank's Entry

            On the night that Brad and Janet arrived at the castle, Columbia endured a whirlwind of emotions.  She had been reunited with Eddie, only to have him taken away from her…and served for dinner?  After excusing herself from the table she returned to her room and (after singing a little ditty about Eddie) again looked at the journal.  She found the last entry and noticed that it was in someone else's handwriting.  Though it was much neater than she'd seen it in the castle, she knew right away that it was Frank's.__

            _My darling, I know that this book is full of your private thoughts and while you have given me permission to read it, I have chosen not to do so.  I do, however, wish to leave you some of my own thoughts tonight._

_            Never in my life did I fathom having a child, yet here we are, waiting for our baby to arrive.  I wish that I could go to the doctor with you tomorrow, but I'm sure you will inform me of everything that happens.  I promise you that I will do everything in my power to be a good father to our child._

_            You are lying next to me right now, sound asleep and looking like nothing less than an angel…I do not know why fate led me to you, but I think that I am done questioning it.  Everything that I have done in life before finding you is nothing compared to what I have done **with** you.  A child.  I must sound like a fool to you on the days when I repeat myself like this.  Perhaps someday I will be able to voice the reason why this baby effects me in such a way, but for now, just know that I could not have asked for anything more._

_            I don't remember ever feeling the need to care about anyone other than myself before you came into my life.  Others' needs never weighed heavy on my mind…I am rather ashamed of that now…but I know that you will not judge me…While in my heart I know that you are my queen and that I am meant for no other, my mind cannot help but to feel, at times, unworthy of your love for me.  When I think of how selfish I have been in my life…when I remember hearts that I may have broken and not thought twice about…well, I am just glad that someone or something out in the universe shows forgiveness for one's foolishness._

_            I feel as though I'm confessing thoughts to you that you already know; yet I have not told them to you aloud.  However, while I am being so open and candid with you there is one confession that I feel I must make.  Before my first night with you, I had been a rather promiscuous man.  I had several   many  …more lovers than one person should.  I don't know that I could ever bring myself to tell you this while looking into your eyes.  I know that we told each other that our pasts don't matter, but I **need** to tell you.  I want to have a clean slate before our baby arrives.  My "relations" were always hollow and emotionless, at least on my end.  I seemed to be looking for something in my lovers that I could never find…until you.  Even though I couldn't see your face that first night, I felt that thing that had been missing.  I hope that you're not laughing as you read this…I certainly can't believe that I'm writing any of it down…_

_            Eva, I feel as if I've found the other half of my soul in you.  I love you._

            Columbia closed her eyes and tears began to run down her cheeks.  Her jealously and hatred toward Eva vanished…her anger at Frank turned into sorrow.  Everything was a lie.  Everything that Riff-Raff and Magenta had told both Columbia and Frank was untrue.  Columbia knew that there was no way that the woman who wrote these pages could have taken her own life.  Columbia couldn't imagine anyone rejecting the man who professed his love and confessed his sins in the final entry.  She then realized that Eva must never have seen this entry.

            "She never got to read it."  Her own words startled her a bit.  "None of this is right."  Columbia picked up the phone and dialed the operator…Yes, castles **_do_** have phones.

            _Curious about what happens next?  Read "Frank's Desire" if you haven't already.  __J_


End file.
